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| Massage |
| 09.30.04 (8:25 am) [edit] |
So I had the most unprofessional massage of my life yesterday. After finding out that my house was not closing, I decided I needed a massage.
I get to the place and its very nice looking and has a beauty school as part of it. Beautiful women walking around everywhere. No biggie. Then this woman comes out and asks me if I am the 3:30 appointment. After I said yes, she runs around like a little girl, giggling and talking to all the other women that work there. Heads are peeking out of doors and around corners looking at me. I mean, come on. I'm THAT great a sight to behold.
So she escorts me to the room and I get naked and under the sheet. She walks in and asks me if I'm cold. I said no. She giggles and says she doesn't like to use the sheet but would prefer to use a towel to cover me up. No biggie. WHOOOSH!! The sheet is gone and I'm lying there butt ass nekkie. Eventually, the towel covers my bare ass, but it was a few minutes. During that time, I hear her (and feel her) staring at me and saying "ummmmm" like I was a piece of meat. Very unprofessional. Only Julie is allowed to do that!! lol
Her technique was good in some ways. She was very good at deep tissue massage on the larger muscle groups, especially my quads and calfs which are hard to do (hairy legs AND very sensative to pressure). She was not so good with things like my neck, feet and hands. She did a good job around my knees, but honestly Julie does a much better job.
When I flip over on my back, she massages my stomach, which I have never had done. Most places would avoid it because its close to "there". Again, she was pretty good at it. But quite a few times I hear her mumbling "Mmmmmm". She also tells me I'm sooooo tall (only 5'10") and how none of her clients look like I do. I wasn't going to be surprised at all if she offered the happy ending. Of course I would have declined. Without a doubt, Julie gives the best happy ending I've ever had!!
So that was my massage trip. I do feel a lot better though. Don't think I'd go back. But they will do couples side by side, which is rare to find. Maybe Julie and I will go back. We also wanted to do side by side pedicures. Now before you go accusing me of being queer, I'm not getting my nails painted. I just want someone to rub my feet for an hour. Faaaaaaaantastic!!
Anywho, its off to fantasy football land to talk shit.
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| Yada yada yada |
| 09.30.04 (8:12 am) [edit] |
OK, haven't been here in a while. Not much to talk about I guess. My life is still a registered Federal disaster area. The closing on my house will not go today as planned because asshole (my pet name name for him) decided that he wants like $20,000 worth of work done on the house before he buys it. It was already explained to him that he was taking the house as is. Most of that work is because he doesn't understand aluminum wiring as well. He fails to grasp the concept that just because its "not as good" does not mean it spontaneously combusts. Go back to Brazil or where ever the fuck he's from!!
So now I have to find a new buyer for my house. The good news is if he really does back out, I get to keep his $5000 deposit. Prick. Serves him right. His dumbass bitch of a realtor isn't helping either. She accused me of not maintaining the house without ever investigating or asking me what I had done. After I explained it to her, in thoroughly abusive manner, she still doesn't seem to grasp the concept. Dumb bitch. So today I need to pay Acura, but I have no money cuz my house hasn't sold. Julie agreed to lend me the money. I hated asking. I've NEVER had to ask for money before. It was very humbling. I hate knowing that I dug myself into a hole that I need others' help to get out.
Beyond that, my med board is still FUBAR and my kitty is doing better. The beeeeyach is taking care of her. Actually, the beeeyach's new BF is taking care of her cuz he came up here (from CA!!) for two weeks to see her. Dumbass. Danger, Danger Will Robinson!! Oh well. If it keeps her out of my hair ...
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| Anywho |
| 09.23.04 (4:27 am) [edit] |
So I haven't been on in a while. For once, I have some good news! My kitty is feeling much better. I visited her yesterday and she was awake, aware and purring on my chest for about 20 mins! She's not out of the woods yet, but its a good sign. Now, she has to get a feeding tube put in so they can nurse her back to health. Good news!!
I also signed the promissary note saying that I would pay Acura $4000 when my house is sold to make up the difference on my trade in. Its my own fault. I tried to pull a fast one and got caught, so I will do the manly thing and own up to what I did. Not tell them I lied, just pay the money that it costs to fix it. The good news out of that was they only want $4000 and not $7000 which is what I thought it would be. Its still a lot, but any little bit helps me out. This also means I get to keep my car, which I love to death. Speaking of love, and closely related to my last post, I'm going to let Julie borrow my car on sunday. She has a party to go to on Sunday (during football!!) and its pretty close to where I live. Makes no sense for me to drop all the way up in Arlington just for her to come back down for the party then have to figure out what we're doing with her car on monday morning. I must truly love her to let her take my car out unsupervised.
In other good news, Lelu has learned to use her new doggie door without a hitch. She gets up first thing in the morning and walks her happy ass outside for her morning tinkle. And I get to stay in bed. I LOVE IT!! Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks??
I think that about covers all the latest drama. I'm trying to hide in my house all day today. I need a break. I might take a walk around everyone else's blog today too, since I haven't done that in a while.
PS Check out this link. He and I would get along great. I just know this.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3837676 332&category=61784&ssPage Name=ADME" title="http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3837676 332&category=61784&ssPage Name=ADME" target="_blank"http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayIS...:B:EF:US:1
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| Completely |
| 09.23.04 (4:14 am) [edit] |
Everyday, I wake up and love her just a little more. Everytime she looks at me. Everytime she touches me. It doesn't seem to matter what she does, I love her for it.
Last night, we went out to dollar drink night with Shawn and Steve. Shawn hadn't seen me in a while. Despite all the shitty things going on in my life (which he didn't know about) he said I looked happier than he had ever seen me. Thats quite a statement considering my life is a wreck and I damn near had a mental breakdown last week. What was more impressive is that he really didn't know anything other than I was dating "some girl". I hadn't really told him much about her. Despite all that, Shawn still said I looked happy.
Julie, thats what you do for me. You're that difference. You make everything else not seem as bad as it is. Despite everything that has happened in my life, you believe in me. Fully and without hesitation like there was never a reason to doubt. You've never even said that to me, but I know. Its nice to have someone believe in you.
I have never been so attracted to anyone either. Last night in the bar, you left to go to the bathroom. While I was waiting for you to come back, I saw this beautiful woman walk out of the bathroom. As she came closer, I realized it was you. Even from all the way across the bar, with all those people in there, you were still the one I was most drawn to. And I didn't even know it was you!! Amazing!!
This love seems fuller and rounder. I don't know that anyone has ever used those words to describe love, but I will. Some loves are small. There are things you love about that person, but some things that don't spark anything. Some loves are full of holes, like swiss cheese. Sometimes those holes are differences that can't be set aside. Sometimes a couple puts those holes there. Some loves are funny shaped. They just don't seem to "fit" the people. There's love, but there's something about it that just isn't right. Our love seems full and round. I love everything you do and the way you do it. I love the way you curl up in my arms at night. I love how you appreciate things about me that I never even noticed were there. I love how you let me appreciate you. Some women would feel self-concious the way I look at you. I love to touch you and you let me. You love to kiss me and I love that. Our love is full and round and I love you completely. Thank you for being a part of my life.
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| can't a guy catch a break |
| 09.20.04 (7:35 am) [edit] |
My cat is dying from liver failure. My ex called me today from the vet. They are keeping her for three days to run some tests, but it doesn't look real promising. WTF!!!!! I wanna know who's driving this bus. He and I are gonna step outside and have some words!! Why can't I seem to unfuck my life. And people wonder why I drink.
Everything with J was spectacular. A little hurt and a some tears (on both sides) but it was over quick and I think things will settle back to some sort of normalcy quick. It felt good just to be in her arms. I know, its escapism, but I don't give a shit.
i don't feel like blogging about the whole night right now. Think I'm going to do some online gaming.
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| Almost there |
| 09.18.04 (3:38 pm) [edit] |
Well, I'm supposed to pick J up tomorrow and still I haven't heard from her. Whatever. She better call me soon cuz I lost her flight info and have no idea when she's coming in. She won't be real happy with me about that one. For some reason, every email from her has been deleted out of my work email inbox. I must have archived everything, but I don't remember doing that. Unfortunately, I can't access my archive from home. Yes, the Defense Information Systems Agency doesn't support VPN access. I could dial in, but trying to open a 2 gig archive via dial-up is simply painful. Isn't it great to see your tax dollars at work?
I spent a fairly good day with me ex. We met this morning for coffee, then went to the house to clean some more stuff out. We also met with the buyer's real estate agent and signed the contract. Whoo hoo!! Almost sold now! She followed me back to my place, speaking of which, I must digress now. She bought that 2004 Mustang GT Convertible with a V8 and DRIVES IT LIKE AN OLD FUCKING LADY!!! I had to keep slowing down to about 5MPH below the speed limit so she could keep up. It was killing me. Anywho, she got a new laptop so I transfered all her old files off of my (our) computer to her new laptop. She stayed half the afternoon. We talked for a bit, about new loves, life and everything. We also argued about money. She's making more than me now, but still wants me to pay her. I told her I would give her what the Marine Corps requires, but she doesn't need any more of my money and I sure as hell do!! She told me she was trying to build a savings account. I told her (what my civvie lawyer told me) that half of whatever she banks is mine. She can't take my money and bank it. The courts say so. She didn't like that at all. She said she'd think about it. I left it at that.
She's coming over again tomorrow to watch football. I have NFL Sunday ticket and she wants to watch the Pats and the bears. Apparently the new guy (ironically also a Marine, the very thing she said she hated most about me) is a bears fan. Hee hee. Whatever. They suck balls.
I miss J. Hope nothing bad has happened. I'm debating whether I would even want to know. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. It wouldn't matter. I'd know. I can read people like a book most of the time. I wouldn't worry so much, but I haven't heard from her at all. I understand she's out having a good time, but not one single communication all week?? OK, I'm not getting mad about this again. I'm no good at being the one who stays home. I'm the Marine. I'm the one that leaves. Its much harder being the one that stays. It gives me a great appreciation for all the military spouses who have been living with long separations for the past 3 years. Military spouses are not given enough credit. The next time you thank a veteran for his service, thank his wife's service too. Because she puts up with a whole lot of crap that she never signed up for.
K, done on my soapbox now. Thanks for listening. Until next time!!
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| Coincidence? |
| 09.17.04 (5:09 pm) [edit] |
This was my horoscope today ...
[i]You feel as if you've been waiting in line for a long time, but it still isn't your turn yet. If you aren't lucky enough for it to happen to you, at least you can be glad that it's happening to someone you care about. Be generous and applaud the lucky person on whom fortune has smiled. Remember, what the stars have done for your friends, they can also do for you -- and then some.[/i]
I hate doing the right thing. Anywho, in other news ...
I will be getting completely butt fucked over my Jeep. The Acura dealer got a hold of the maintenance records and found out that the frame was bent, they informed me that the frame was bent and that I did off-roading. The only thing I can do now to keep my new car is pay the difference between what the Jeep is worth with a bent frame ($20,000) and what they thought it was worth (about $27,000). So much for taking any money out of the sale of my house. Oh well. Trail rated my ass!! How does a fucking frame get bent off roading anyways? Bunch of horse shit!!
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| To J again |
| 09.16.04 (4:25 pm) [edit] |
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I'm sorry if you read what I wrote last night. I needed a place to vent. I'm sorry it coulnd't be you. I had a loto of issues I needed to work through. Most of it wasn't related to you in the least, yet somehow I wanted to blame you. Thats over. I miss you. I hope you are having a good time,but I can't wait to pick you up so I can hold you close. I don't want to cut your vacation short, but God, I could use your presence. You make me feel at ease when I shouldn't be. I miss your very presence. Your smile, your touch, your smell. I can sense you all the way from here. I know you've been faithful and I'm sorry for ever doubting you. You never gave me a reason to believe that you wouldn't love me forever. i trust you. And now I miss you. Julie, please come back to me. I love you!!!
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| New Music |
| 09.15.04 (5:01 am) [edit] |
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OK, its not real new. I bought Nickelback, the Long Road and Three Days Grace. So far my fav line is "I like your pants around your feet". Actually, I like that whole song. Its a good angry song. Also, Three Days Grace has a line that says "you thought you were there to guide me, you were only in my way". HA HA. I LOVE IT!!
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| Strange |
| 09.15.04 (4:16 am) [edit] |
After all the shit I went through with the beeeeyach, I talked to her on the phone for about an hour. Now that we're not argueing about money, we get along fine. I might not have talked to her so long if I wasn't so BORED!! I have plenty of things to do, I just don't want to do any of them. At least its dollar draft night tonight. And tomorrow I'm going to happy hour over at H2O, a fairly upscale night club. I can't believe I just said that I am going to a club. Its so unlike me. But for free drinks, I'll go to hell.
How is everyone this fine day? Actually, its raining and Lelu doesn't want to go pee in the rain. I have a whiny ass, upside down dog. She's currently sleeping on my dirty laundry. I guess its better than the clean.
I need a vacation. Who wants to come on vacation with me? I'll go pretty much anywhere. I have all month to go do some traveling. Scuba has already offered up, but I think she's joking. I thought about Australia, but Rinna says wait until December. Maybe I should just go to hell. I hear they have free drinks there. Oh wait, I said that! lol
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| Upside Down |
| 09.14.04 (3:50 pm) [edit] |
My dog is upside down. She's weird.
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| Can't believe it |
| 09.14.04 (3:00 pm) [edit] |
So the dealership where I bought my Acura calls up today. Umm ... did I tell ya'll I bought a new car? I think I did. Damn anthrax shots! Anywho, they call me up to tell me that my Jeep that I traded in has a bent frame. I tell him bullshit. He tells me they are receiving the vehicle back at the dealership tomorrow and they will look it over. I tell him I want to look at it because it was fine when I traded it in.
In fact, it was not fine and thats why I traded in a 2004 vehicle. It was bent a little. It still rode just fine though. I have no idea what legal obligations I have. Besides the fact that I wasn't supposed to lie. But I don't think they can prove that I knew. The Jeep dealership where I had it serviced the week before gave me paperwork saying they did a 27 point inspection and everything was fine. The only reason I knew was a technician came out and told me. I had no paperwork saying there was anything wrong with the vehicle. Top that with the fact the the odometer reading for my Jeep was incorrect on the sales contract. They still had the reading from the first day I came in. Side note: I haggled with them for two days when purchasing the new car. I told the sales rep and he told me it was no big deal. It was almost 100 miles off.
So, if they confront me, I have two things going for me. First, I have paperwork from Jeep dated the week before saying they did the inspection and everything was fine. I also can say that the odometer reading was off and how do I know in the two weeks since I traded it in someone didn't take it for a joy ride and fuck it up.
What do you guys think? Anyone know the actual laws pertaining to this stuff? As far as I know, we live in that buyer beware atmosphere that gets so many used car buyers screwed. I don't see why it would be any different for a dealer accepting a trade. I looked over all my paperwork and there is nothing saying they have any recourse if the trade is found to be damaged, unless I lied about it. But of course, they would have to prove that i knew. I'm thinking I could come out of this ok, but I would sure appreciate any advice ya'll have.
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| Its here |
| 09.13.04 (2:53 pm) [edit] |
High speed internet on my monster of a home computer. Mwah!! Its like a dream come true ... *sniff*
On the flip side, I wasted almost four fucking hours last night trying to fix my damn machine only to spend half the day today reloading it. Works like a charm now though! Whoo hoo!!
I have some other horrible news. It appears that I have so much leave on the books that I will be forced to take the rest of the month off. Yes, you heard that right. I will not work another day in September. Its good and bad. Its good cuz I hate work. Its bad cuz I have nowhere to go and nothing to do. All my friends can't take time off, so I either go by myself or sit here and rot. Well, at least I won't be at work. Things could be worse. This definitely means I'm on for dollar drink night this week. I don't have to get up on Thurs morning and beers are only $1, why not!!
My new place is starting to come together better now. I have an actual bedroom now (Yes, Scuba, with a real bed) and my couch is set up in my living room. Those are pretty much the only rooms that are just mine. The rest of the house is split between us. I still have shit everywhere, buts its less shit and its less everywhere. Its amazing how much crap can accumulate in five years of marraige.
I also saw a civvie lawyer. He told me not to sign shit from my ex cuz once I get out of the Marines, she has no right to anything I make. I would be stupid to put it in writing. Sweet. As long as I get divorced in Dec, its all good.
So how is everyone else doing? I picture myself getting back to blogging a little bit now that I can blog from home.
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| Kickoff Weekend |
| 09.13.04 (5:10 am) [edit] |
Its finally here. After many long months of waiting, the NFL season his finally arrived. I spent sunday with my ass stuck to the couch watching all the games (thank god for DirecTV and NFL Sunday Ticket). Did some cooking too. I made Angry Bear and I some potato skins and pizza's. Everything was made from scratch. Thats right, I grew the potatoes fresh in the kitchen that morning. lol
My Patriots won, but that was on Thursday. They played like ass, but a W is a W. I won one of my fantasy football games. My private league, which is all my friends and family, pitted me against angry bear where I sent him home with his name changed to butt fuck bear. HA HA HA. I still have Ahman Green playing tonight.
OK, so my med board paperwork was temporarily "lost" ... again. It amazes me that America functions at all sometimes. People are so friggin incompetant. After a few phone calls, my paperwork was located and now I have to fill out more paperwork and make a copy of my entire medical record. That shit is like 6 inches thick now. That will be an all-day process. I have to go attend a DTAPS class too. I think it stands for disabled transition assistance program, but I don't know for sure. They tell me about all the benefits I would get if they don't hose me over. Its a free week off wearing civvies. Whoo hoo!
I started moving my shit around in my new home to a more permanent location instead of just being strewn about randomly. I tried to hook my computer up on high speed internet, but it had problem after problem. Now I have to reload my system. Fuck linksys. Their wireless shit sucks.
I'm taking the rest of the week off. I'm gonna try and fix my computer tonight, but I can't guarantee for sure when I'll be back online again. I know ya'll don't miss me since I fell off the face of tblog. Thats alright. You're prolly all on vacation in some tropical location while I toil away with a fucked up wireless card. At least the Patriots won.
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| Another questionnaire whoo-ha |
| 09.09.04 (4:25 am) [edit] |
Stolen from Misuseme via KrazedOne.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? my mouse
FAVOURITE MAGAZINE? Wine Spectator
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? knowing that I hurt someone else
FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IN THE MORNING? J
HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? almost 1/2
SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer
WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? finding your personal happiness
FAVOURITE FOODS? Beer, Beef, Veal, Sausage, homemade bread, beer, pizza, asian, anything with fresh veggies, pasta, beer, southern cooking, bar food, beer, turkey sandwiches (everyday for lunch), breakfast, BEC sandwiches, beer, homemade soups, anything that I cook, anything that I grill, anything that I barbeque, beer and beer.
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? vanilla
DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? I have a giant scooby doo that I sleep with sometimes. Sometimes I sleep with my real life scooby doo (Lelu).
STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? I love a good storm. Nature's fury.
COKE OR PEPSI? I don't really drink soda. Either can be mixed with a dark rum with good results.
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Taurus
DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Yes I do.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE? Retired
I YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR WHAT WOULD IT BE? Umm, I'd prolly look funny but I'll say blond.
EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yes
FAVOURITE MOVIE? Happy Gilmore
WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? The carpet
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER? 27
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH? FOOTBALL!!!!!!!
BEACH, MOUNTAINS OR CITY? Beach
FAVE COLOUR? Blue
COMEDY OR HORROR? Comedy. I don't like scary (gory) movies.
FAVOURITE TIME OF DAY? Its a three way tie between breakfast lunch and dinner.
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| Questionnaire thingy |
| 09.08.04 (5:44 am) [edit] |
Stolen from MissKendy's blog via numerous others.
(X) - you’ve done
(_) - you haven’t done
(/) - kinda
(#) - you need not know
(X) been drunk .. HELL YEAH!!
(X) kissed a member of the opposite sex .. Duh!!
(_)kissed a member of the same sex .. Nope
(_) crashed a friend’s car
(_) been to Japan .. although I had orders there once
(X) ridden in a taxi
(X) been in love .. Yup
(X) been dumped .. Yup
(X) shoplifted .. Yup
(X) been fired .. If my boss COULD fire me, he would. lol
(X) been in a fist fight .. wasn't my fault, honest!
(X) snuck out of my parent’s house .. Yup
(_) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex .. Nope
(_) ever dated someone of the same sex .. Nope
(X had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back .. Yes, then she felt them later and I didn't. Grrr
(X) been arrested .. See fist fight question
(X) made out with a stranger .. Well, they weren't a stranger after I kissed them, right?
(_) made a booty call .. I always seemed to have a regular
(X) been a booty call .. I could hardly turn her down ...
(X) stole something from my job .. shhhhh
(_) celebrated new years in time square .. too many fucking people for my liking
(X) gone on a blind date .. didn't work out so well either
(X) lied to a friend .. Yup
(X) a friend lied to me .. All the fucking time
(X) had a crush on a teacher .. "Yeah dude, I'd hit it"
(_) celebrated Mardi-gras in new Orleans .. I wanna see the boobies!!
(/) been to Europe .. layover at Heathrow hardly counts
(X) skipped school .. I was 18 and living on my own my senior year. Mwah!
(X) slept with a co-worker .. I assume J counts
(X) cut myself .. accidently many times
(X) been married .. bad idea
(X) gotten divorced .. someday soon!!
(_) had children .. none that I'm aware of. I've had crazy bitches try to get pregnant on purpose though.
(_) seen someone die .. only seen the aftermath
(_) been to Africa .. No
(_) had a crush on one of my tBLOG/Blurty friends .. no but if SheSpecies ever came back to the dark side of the force .. JK!!
(_) slapped someone I loved .. been on the receiving end
(X) driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival/fetish ball .. I'm sure I have
(X) been to Canada .. accidently
(X been to Mexico .. Long Live Tijuana!!
(X) been on a plane .. Yup. I got to pilot one for about half an hour once too.
(_) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show .. Nope
(X) thrown up in a bar .. Oh yeah!!
(_) purposely set a part of myself on fire .. Why??
(_) eaten sushi .. I won't eat cooked fish, much less raw fish
(X) been snowboarding .. didn't go so well as I remember it
(X) met someone in person from the Internet .. turns out we went to elementary school together too. It was weird.
(X) been moshing at a concerts .. Yup
(X) had real feelings for someone you knew only online .. Yup then I met her and married her best friend. (X) taken partially nude/nude photos of yourself .. but they will NEVER be posted on tblog!!
(_) been in an abusive relationship .. prolly not
(_) been pregnant or got someone pregnant .. again, not to my knowledge
(_) lost a child
(_) graduated college .. almost!!
(X) tried killing yourself .. long time ago
(X) taken painkillers .. I've had too many surgeries to count
(X) had sex .. WHOO FUCKING HOO!!
(_) intentionally burned yourself .. not so much
(X) wished someone dead .. hee hee
(X) wish someone dead right now .. hee hee
(X) admitted to making a big mistake .. Yup
(X) been misunderstood .. everyday
(_) told someone I hated them when I didn’t .. nope, I meant it
(X) told someone I loved them when I didn’t .. trying to save my marraige
(X) love someone or miss someone right now .. J, missing her pretty bad right now
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| Not sure WTF |
| 09.08.04 (4:52 am) [edit] |
Stolen from UniqueLaughter via SheSpecies.
My insulting name is Rider of a female camel Slutmonkey!
What's yours?
Umm ... ok ...
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| Hot blogs |
| 09.08.04 (4:41 am) [edit] |
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I'm back on hot blogs. Apparently, I have un-transcended myself from that higher plane of being that took me beyond hot blogs. Whatever ...
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| Love |
| 09.08.04 (4:34 am) [edit] |
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Love is like being blindsided with a fucking baseball bat.
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| Fairy Tales |
| 09.08.04 (2:39 am) [edit] |
Well, I think the fairy tale relationship has ceased to be so magical. I'm prolly reading way too much into this, but I feel like a heel. The story goes ...
J bowls in a league and asked me to come watch. Now, I have no interest in bowling myself or watching anyone else bowl, but I would love to support her in whatever she does. So I go. It was their first game back this ... uh ... season? I don't know bowling terms. Anywho, she is the team captain and had a lot of stuff to do. One of her teammates is S, my quasi-boss who I hang out with a lot. One of her other teammates was a friend of J's and S's who they've been wanting me to meet forever. Then there is some other dude. So, they have all these things to catch up on (they haven't seen each other in a while) and J is busy. So, I'm just kind of sitting there. I also happen to be dead tired after running 5.5 miles earlier.
They also happen to be the loudest team there, hooting and hollering after everything. Not quite my thing. They start giving me a hard time for not being loud and into the bowling thing. I really just felt out of my element. And bored. So instead of dragging everyone down, I thought it would just be better to leave. So I left after their first game (they had two more). J was thinking about coming down and staying with me last night, but if I left those plans were pretty much out.
I felt really bad. I sooooooo wished I could have stayed and been ok, but everyone else could see that I was bored/not into it/tired/etc. I thought it was just better to leave. What makes it a big deal in my mind is up to this point in our relationship, everything between J and I has been perfect. Not just ok, or great, but perfect. Aside from the fact that her daughter hates me (long story, not my fault) but even that was getting better. I feel like I ruined that perfect relationship. Now there is something that she does (I think 2 nights a week) that she wants me to be a part of that I won't be. Perhaps, this is due to some of the baggage that I carry from my divorce. I'm worried that everything will result in my other resenting me for some reason.
I missed her sooooooo bad last night. I wanted to know that everything was going to be ok. I'm sure it will, but I can't help feeling awful.
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| Blogging for food |
| 09.07.04 (5:07 am) [edit] |
I'm hungry. Yeah, what else is new.
I bought a new car yesterday. I had to trade in my Jeep. I would have to refinance it anyways to get the beeeeyach's name of it, and I don't need it anymore. Oh and one more thing. When I went home, I took it 4 wheeling and punctured a rim and bent the frame. I had to replace the rim, but I sure as hell ain't fixing the frame!! So instead, I went out and bought a 2004 Acura TSX. I can talk to my car and it talks back. Kick ass!! I kept my payment roughly the same, so it fits my budget still.
And I moved back into Angry Bear's place. My shit isn't settled yet, but most of it is there anyways. Lelu is there with me. She's a little confused about the postage stamp, townhouse yard we have, but she's getting better. The buyer is looking at the house today. Hopefully, they will buy it and I won't have to pay a seller's commission. Whoo hoo!!
The biggest news of the morning. The beeeyach and I have come to terms on our separation agreement. I end up paying her a little more once the house is sold ( I make $1400 a month for housing because I'm married, only fair to give her some), but she will leave my retirement and Involuntary seps alone. Everything else is already taken care of. WHOO HOO!!
The biggest, biggest news!! SheSpecies and ScubaDiva, I accomplished my "goal" that was discussed in several emails. Scuba, you sent me an article on it, if that jogs your memory. It was everything I thought it could be and more. WHOOO FUCKING HOOOO!!!!!!!!
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| End of an era |
| 09.01.04 (4:39 am) [edit] |
My house is so empty now. Most of the furniture is gone. Both of my cats are gone (living with the beeeeyach now). Last night, I dropped Hagen off at her new home. She was so excited to see her new family again, she happy peed. That gave me a good feeling. They have two daughters and one of them took Hagen for a "walk", but I found out later she was so excited that she paraded around the neighborhood introducing Hagen to her friends. Again, it gave me a good feeling. I left before she got back from the walk. I figured it was better if Hagen just come back to her new family without me being there.
I didn't break down while I was there. In fact, I felt quite good about things. I went straight to J's. I even felt fine there. When we got back to my place, I broke down. I came home to a half empty house and Lelu. Lelu (big dog) was confused as to where everyone else was. I think she was lonely this morning. I hope she doesn't get too depressed. She hasn't been an only dog in over 4 years. J cried too. I think she misses Hagen a little too, but mostly she was upset to see me so upset. She didn't sleep well last night. When we were talking this morning, she said it might have been cuz Hagen always slept right next to her. It was a little sad. I don't think anything but time will heal this wound. I also need to get the fuck out of my house. Its so empty and so alone. I need to get out. I'm going to start packing my shit tonight and maybe even start moving tonight.
Finally, I'm starting to feel like I'm in the end stages of my divorce though. My separation agreement is just about complete. I'm moving out and selling the house. All the animals are at their new homes. All thats left is for the divorce to be final and then I can get on with my life. Sorry for the somber mood of this post. I'm not nearly as depressed as I sound here. I'll be fine, just not right now.
I think I'm willing to let someone take out my beeeeeyach now. J volunteered already. Any other takers?
DISCLAIMER - I'm not really trying to kill my ex. I'm joking.
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